While a high level of honesty and openness is healthy in a committed relationship, there are times when keeping something to yourself can actually be kinder, smarter, or better for everyone. Read on to learn the instances where you should hold your tongue. And when you’re done with that, be sure to read Reasons Why Keeping Secrets Can Destroy a Romantic Relationship? to learn What kind of secrets will ruin a relationship?
1. Your Sexual History
Discussing your sexual history with your current partner has pretty much zero benefits. Some people love the juvenile idea of a virgin bride or groom, some really want a seasoned partner, and most land somewhere in between. But more often than not, this is a topic that should stay off-limits even if you think you can predict the results. For more great relationship advice, here are the secret tips for building the best relationships.
2. Your Ex was better
People break up for lots of reasons, and despite not wanting to be with your ex anymore, there might be things you liked better about them. Maybe your ex was a better cook, planned better dates, or shared your interest in a certain hobby, but your past relationship ended for a reason, so let it go. However, your current partner is not the person you should be telling about those things. It can breed insecurity and jealousy in your relationship.
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3. That You Weren’t Initially Attracted to Them
This is an incredibly hurtful thing to say to your romantic partner, because it implies they are to blame for your loss of attraction and attacks their self-confidence. Before blurting this out, think about how you’d want them to handle it if they felt this way about you and what might need to happen for your feelings to reignite.
4. Your Minor Relationship Doubts
There are times in both new and long-standing relationships when you may find yourself questioning whether you want the relationship to continue. If it’s the first time you’re having these feelings, don’t feel like you have to share them with your partner. “These initial thoughts are not helpful to share because they will create insecurity and hurt feelings,” she explains. And very often, they’ll resolve on their own. “Sit with your feelings and process them on your own. Only if the feelings persist and become stronger over time should you share them with your partner.” If you are having doubts, though, be sure to check out the 20 signs your relationship may be in trouble.
5. That You Wish Your Partner Were More Successful
Before you complain that your partner doesn’t make enough cash, think about “If you share the frustration, your comments will be experienced as unsupportive and hurtful to your partner,” In the end, it’s probably better to keep these thoughts to yourself. This is especially true if your S.O. has ever struggled with self-confidence issues in the past.
6. You’re attracted to their friend
If you’re attracted to one of their close friends, it’s okay to keep that a secret. Of course, this is only true if you never plan to act on your attraction. If you do, that’s a totally different situation and a conversation should be had about it. But if it’s just simply that you’re a little bit attracted to one of their friends, it’s no big deal. Plus, you’d make everything immediately awkward if you told your partner that you think their friend is hot.
7. You Dislike One of Their Family Members
And You certainly don’t have to say you love them, but spewing any hate will only backfire. Unless your partner is also estranged from them, it’s in your best interest to keep your opinions to yourself on this one. If you’re hoping this relationship will last, it’s a good idea to try to find some common ground with their family if you can.
8. Your Friends or Family Dont Like Them
It is best if you don’t share the initial negative reactions that your loved ones had about your partner. These comments can be very hurtful and hard to recover from. If you reveal them, your partner will always remember what was said and later on may use it as evidence that your family or friend never liked them from the start. Plus, what do they gain from knowing? That’s right—nothing.
9. You stalk their ex on social media
If you do this, and you’re finding it impossible to cut it out, try to figure out why you feel the need to know more about that person. Are you feeling insecure, jealous, restless, or dissatisfied in your relationship? If so, it might actually be worth discussing with your partner, but if you’re just plain curious, zip it.
10. You’ve Had Better Sex
So maybe you’ve had a better time between the sheets with one of your past love interests. This isn’t something you should share with your current lover. “Your partner wants to know that they are the best lover ever,” explains Masini. “They want you to forget all others before them, so let them think you have. There is no good that can come from letting your partner know how great the sex was with someone else from your past. In fact, it opens up a Pandora’s Box, so keep that closed. Tell them they’re the best you’ve ever had, and watch their self esteem (an unexpected aphrodisiac) blossom.” Plus, the good news is we know just how to transform your partner into a sex goddess.